animals

Do you ever think of how animals can be so human-like?  Sometimes to the point that some animal lovers forget that even though their furry friend can offer affection, companionship and love, their ability to do taxes, drive the family car, make a good martini or dance the tango is well above their pay grade.  Yet try to tell that to some owners.

I remember as a kid growing up having a neighbor who talked to her dog as if he were the Dalai Lama(I think llama would have been more appropriate).  Of course i poo- pooed  this intereraction as her being one dog biscuit short of a meal.  Until the day I got on the elevator and saw her standing there with Fido at full stretch on his haunches with his paw on her shoulder and looking at her eyeball to eyeball.  All he needed was a top hat and a cane and this would have been the Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers team of the canine world.

 There was another friend of mine whose dog actually had a plate set for him at the dinner table. Look, as long as he cleans up after himself and doesn't eat out of my plate, I am cool with it. 
Except no one bothered to tell me that this "dinner guest" had the hearing and sonar capabilites of a bat so that the mere rustle of  paper in a cereal or cracker box sent him lunging at the intended victim with such speed, you were robbed before you knew it.  I mean this guy was GOOD.  How many dogs do you know that in the time that it takes to take a cracker from a box on the counter to your mouth can have this flash of fur leap at mid point in the trajectory and eat the damn thing.  Whenever food was in front of you, you had to hide it from Winston( OMG, i just remembered his name as the trauma had suppressed it for so long!) It was like eating in a third world country..eat quick and hide your food.

And then there is one of my favorite and memorable experiences.  I took my children when they were young on various and diversified outings.  This was the day to visit the pet shop.  How excited they were!  How many animals they saw and heard!  It was wonderful.  As they were exploring, I happened to eye a very large parrot toward the back of the store in a similarly large cage.  I wandered over.  The store clerk informed me that this bird was one of their most prized possessions as his intelligence seemed to surpass the other birds of equal species.  I was fascinated and went his cage. "Hello" I said.  "Hello" he responded.  "Polly want a cracker?"   "Polly want a cracker!"  Well, he said it was such emphasis that  I thought this bird deserves a cracker and proceeded to rummage in my bag, for as you know any mother of young children always has tissues and snacks in their bag.  I reached in and found and old cookie and put my hand in the cage to give it to him.  The inevitable happened.   HE BIT ME!!!   Of course at that point, instinct kicks in I quickly withdrew my hand but not  before shouting out to him "F___  You!  Only to have that stupid bird screech out at full tilt and without stopping "F___ You!   F___You F___ You"!!!.   I ran out of that store so fast, I  think my kids are still suffering from whiplash.

Consequently, subsequent animals did not impress.  UNTIL, one day, I came home from a European trip to find that my son had purchased a hamster which he named Mozart.  I fell in love.  He was so cute and of course had to have the best food, best cage, best of everything.  At one point my son said the hamster was getting better treatment than he was!  Mozart was a joy, a comfort and a distraction to my son, daughter and I in a particularly rough year.  He got us through........and then he died.  And now i know why my neighbor's dog, and Winston and yes, even that damn parrot are so beloved.