Getting ready for a trip can be somewhat daunting. I know. I've done it often. But years ago, being unseasoned as a traveler and not being held hostage by every conceivable airline fee known to man, I had the freedom to pack at will. To give you an idea of what that meant, think Queen Guenivere treking across the Moors to spend her life with King Arthur. I mean a gal just can't bring a toothbrush, deodorant and a change of underwear. It would be safe to say that the number of my suitcases on every trip rivaled any 19th century immigrant ship crossing the Atlantic.
I do remember only one time on a two month trip to Italy...that one airport agent got a little high handed..picky, picky, picky. She had the audacity to want to charge me for the extra weight in my suitcase. Even though I am not a tour type of person, this time, by divine intervention, I happen to be part of a tour. Using every amount of logic I could muster, I was able to successfully unload part of my suitcase at the counter and convince a few members of the tour group to stuff some of the things in their carry on bags....bras, bags, undies went flying and a few other objects which to this day I still cannot identify. But at least I was able to get on the plane without spending one extra penny....Oh there is no satisfaction like that in the world!!!
As years went by and the trips increased the number of items got fewer.....but not exponentially. I mean for me to eliminate one blouse that I wore in kindergarden was a big deal but at least, I was trimming things down a little bit. And every so often I added one more item to the minus pile(Oh!... all right, I'll admit it ....the damn thing didn't fit me anymore!!) But I do know I am getting better at airports. Perfect example ... the trip from Russia to London.
On that trip I had hurt my knee so had to go through security in a wheelchair. When the security guard patted me down with a little white cloth (believe it or not, they use this to test for explosives) all I could think of was "Lady, after eating some of that Russian food, if you are looking for explosives you are testing the wrong end!! No one gave thought to the big bottle of Russian vodka stuffed into my bag. I guess Russians consider traveling with this a necessity.
Unfortunately , the English do not. Soooooooo when I got to Heathrow airport, I was told, because of some customs issue, to throw it out or drink it. Well you know how I am about discarding anything from my luggage!! But with a little ingenuity and charm, I was able to convince the agent that this was needed for "medicinal"purposes. Guess who got to take her vodka on board?
I guess my days of being a traveling pack rat are not over; now let's see..... do you think I can still get that small ironing board into my suitcase????
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
the wash and goulash
I, like many individuals live in an apartment building where the ebb and flow of the laundry room can change on any given day. Sometimes you are peacefully alone reading a good book to the rhythm of the washing machine and sometimes, usually Monday or Friday, the place is jam-packed and the only thing missing is a take-a-number machine. I try to avoid both days. Tuesday or Wednesday sounded like a good option so that is when I attempt to make a foray into the land of stains and socks and not-enough-quarters.
This day was a Tuesday and for some unknown reason the place was rockin' ...I mean it was like almost being in a Waring blender; people were coming and going, going and coming and you had to have the speed of an Olympic runner to get to the machine if you were next in line. Things were cool...no problems...everybody's rhythms were in sync and the wash was loaded and unloaded in an almost choreographed fashion.....however, there were a few dryers in particular where the party in question did not come back in a timely fashion and as I am usually prone to do I waited for a 5 to 10 minute grace period. In 21 years in this building,it was not uncommon to see others, myself included remove clothes when a machine is finished and neatly put them in a laundry cart so as to keep all machines going. Never a problem....after waiting the appropriate time, I took out one machine;s worth of dried clothing. Fifteen minutes later, a woman enters and yells at the top of her foreign accent " WHO TOOK MY CLOTHES OUT OF THE MACHINE"!!!!!! Of course, knowing that this was common practice and heretofore had never been an issue I said "I did"........big mistake....
What followed was a tirade of epic proportions. I tried to keep her calm but on and on she went until, having had enough, I said in my most soft, professional and firm voice..."Madam, you are just stupid"
Hold onto your girdles as that unleashed round two!! Finally she left, only to return 15 minutes later and without provocation from me,,,,started in again...Now, I thought to myself we have a nut on our hands. But that wasn't the half of it, as before she left the second time, she issued an omninous threat.
I understood from the doorman, Tuesday is her favorite washday....so no more Tuesday washes for me but it was still unnerving and I kept looking over my shoulder whenever I went to the laundry room. She and her family were renters and were to move on June 15th...all I had to do was hold my breath and stay out of her path.
But one still has to go get the mail, which I did, and again in the presence of the mailman and out of the blue she started a tirade in the lobby in full view of others. Now, I was getting nervous..When is this nut going to leave? and what do I do in the meantime? go down to the river and beat my clothes against a rock to do the laundry? So I reported her to management and told them they better beef up their vetting process as we don't need any more UFL's in the building(Unidentified Flying Laundress).
Between this and several other stresses in the last few months I thought it was time to plan a vacation for the end of June.....a real get-away-from-it-all. Something interesting and far away. That is what I did which provided some amount of good news in the midst of weeks of various types of stress.
Yesterday......the doorman greets me with "Jackie, do you want to hear some good news?" " Of course," I responded....."Your crazy neighbor left today lock, stock and barrel" "Did she also take her devil horns with her"? I joked outwardly ....but inwardly was filled with a real sense of relief.
"Where are they moving go"? I asked further hoping that it was nowhere near the Bronx. "Oh, they are going to live permanently in their new house upstate, but in the meantime while her husband sets it up, she took her daughter back to her original home for two months to visit relatives" Remembering her accent I asked "Where is that?" "Budapest, Hungary"
Guess where I made my vacation plans.
This day was a Tuesday and for some unknown reason the place was rockin' ...I mean it was like almost being in a Waring blender; people were coming and going, going and coming and you had to have the speed of an Olympic runner to get to the machine if you were next in line. Things were cool...no problems...everybody's rhythms were in sync and the wash was loaded and unloaded in an almost choreographed fashion.....however, there were a few dryers in particular where the party in question did not come back in a timely fashion and as I am usually prone to do I waited for a 5 to 10 minute grace period. In 21 years in this building,it was not uncommon to see others, myself included remove clothes when a machine is finished and neatly put them in a laundry cart so as to keep all machines going. Never a problem....after waiting the appropriate time, I took out one machine;s worth of dried clothing. Fifteen minutes later, a woman enters and yells at the top of her foreign accent " WHO TOOK MY CLOTHES OUT OF THE MACHINE"!!!!!! Of course, knowing that this was common practice and heretofore had never been an issue I said "I did"........big mistake....
What followed was a tirade of epic proportions. I tried to keep her calm but on and on she went until, having had enough, I said in my most soft, professional and firm voice..."Madam, you are just stupid"
Hold onto your girdles as that unleashed round two!! Finally she left, only to return 15 minutes later and without provocation from me,,,,started in again...Now, I thought to myself we have a nut on our hands. But that wasn't the half of it, as before she left the second time, she issued an omninous threat.
I understood from the doorman, Tuesday is her favorite washday....so no more Tuesday washes for me but it was still unnerving and I kept looking over my shoulder whenever I went to the laundry room. She and her family were renters and were to move on June 15th...all I had to do was hold my breath and stay out of her path.
But one still has to go get the mail, which I did, and again in the presence of the mailman and out of the blue she started a tirade in the lobby in full view of others. Now, I was getting nervous..When is this nut going to leave? and what do I do in the meantime? go down to the river and beat my clothes against a rock to do the laundry? So I reported her to management and told them they better beef up their vetting process as we don't need any more UFL's in the building(Unidentified Flying Laundress).
Between this and several other stresses in the last few months I thought it was time to plan a vacation for the end of June.....a real get-away-from-it-all. Something interesting and far away. That is what I did which provided some amount of good news in the midst of weeks of various types of stress.
Yesterday......the doorman greets me with "Jackie, do you want to hear some good news?" " Of course," I responded....."Your crazy neighbor left today lock, stock and barrel" "Did she also take her devil horns with her"? I joked outwardly ....but inwardly was filled with a real sense of relief.
"Where are they moving go"? I asked further hoping that it was nowhere near the Bronx. "Oh, they are going to live permanently in their new house upstate, but in the meantime while her husband sets it up, she took her daughter back to her original home for two months to visit relatives" Remembering her accent I asked "Where is that?" "Budapest, Hungary"
Guess where I made my vacation plans.
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